Sunday, February 12, 2012

Big Perm

While out to eat the other night I saw a table of elderly women.  They all looked the same, they were in fact "clones" of each other.  Same glasses, same clothing with a few different color's in the mix, and even sounded the same. 

But one feature made them all stick out... The perm!  As I looked around the restaurant, I noticed that all the elderly women had the same perm.  I thought, it's not very often that you see an old women with long hair.  And if you do, she would more than likely be considered the eccentric cat lady. 

As I continued to look around, I noticed that the generation of women below them had short hair.  You know, like the Hillary Clinton look.  And the generation of women below them had "Big" hair. 

For some reason, we have a set social standard of  women's hair that I would like to change.  There is nothing wrong with you ladies that have long hair as an old lady.  I won't consider you the "crazy" cat lady.  Just let it all hang out!

Progression of hair styles

Late 40's Early 50's
The Clinton - 50's & 60's
The Perm - 70 +

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Bad Santa

Often people will argue about what is wrong with the world today.  Is it lack of morality? Greed? Jersey Shore?  Well, one could say all of those things.  But if you get right down to it.  It's Santa!

When I was a child, which at least in theory, was not too long ago.  My father would tell me that Santa was watching all that I did.  And, if I screwed up, Santa would know it and I would not get anything for Christmas.  He saw everything, and put my name on a list of good boys and bad boys. 

As the years went on I eventually moved out of my parents house at the age of 18 to go to California.  This was the first time that I did not receive any gifts from Santa and I knew that the rumors were true.  Santa was not real!  My roommate laughed at me, and made fun of me for a while.  But, because he was a religious guy, he did not rub it in too bad.


He would later invite me to church.  At this church we learned all about the concept of God.  And they began talking about how God could see everything I did.  That he knew who the good people and bad people were.  And that there was even a list.  It was called the book of life, and good people were in the book and bad people were not.  They went to Hell. 

I thought to myself,  I've heard this story before.  It's the Santa story!  Wow, once bitten twice shy!  I'm out of here.  Now I can be as hedonistic as I want to be knowing that the God story is just the grown up version of the Santa story.  And, to think all those years I bought the Santa thing hook, line and sinker.  At least there was physical evidence of that one though with the milk and cookies!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Stolen Identity

Recently I had my identity stolen.  I was so happy about this! Finally, I'm off the hook.  What sucker would be so stupid to steal my identity?  I mean, come on, how lucky can a guy be?

So the guy keeps calling me every day... begging me to take it BACK!  I say, sorry bro.  Good luck with that!  It's not easy being me.  You got a long road ahead of you with that one.  Thanks a lot by the way.  I've been hoping for this for a long time.  Finally some relief from the pressure.

The phone rings the other day and as it turns out, the guy killed himself.   And now, to top it all off, I'm stuck with the bill for my own funeral.  A guy can't catch a break sometimes.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

What a rip off!

You ever get ripped off?  I get ripped off all the damn time.  I recently bought myself one of those I-renew energy bracelets.  That thing didn't work worth a damn.  It actually sucked the energy right out of me!  

I did still wear it though, just for the principle of it because I got ripped off for twenty dollars.  Well, that is until somebody at a bar asked me about it, and I hyped it up and sold it to them for forty bucks.

I went to get my car fixed.  I'm pretty sure they tried to rip me off too.  I don't know much about cars.  I know that if you don't have gas in it, it won't go and you need to change the oil every 100,000 miles.  That's about it.

My Hydrometer

So I go take my car into the shop because my engine was on fire... Again.  The guy comes out and tells me my hydrometer was broken.  But I knew my hydrometer was not broken, I just had it fixed a month earlier by a different mechanic.  It Cost me 1,000 dollars to buy and new one.  What are you gonna do?  You can't drive without one.